Someone turned the tapes off!

I used to be one angry man. Yea, so Sunday is supposed to be the Lord’s day right? Well for me it was MY DAY. In fact every day was MY DAY. I was in charge, in control and most definitely really out of control. I was screwed up. So when God did a work in my life the most amazing things started to happen. 

First of all when I accepted the love of God I stopped being mad just in general. Normally I’d have some issue simmering on the back burner. You know something to complain about, more often someone to complain about whose case I’d been working on. Rehearsing all the ways they’d done me wrong! How they spoke badly or even worse not spoken at all, how they acted unfairly, didn't return my call, my text, my e-mail, making me suffer. You get the picture; it was all about me. I spent way too much time obsessing over some slight, real or imagined. You know just a little something to do in my spare time. When I wasn’t really mad about something.

And you gotta know that a good telemarketer was OK for a little break: how rude they were, or how they shouldn’t have called at dinner time, or that late or that early or at ALL!! My list of what's wrong with the schools, the court system, the welfare program, the country, most families, these were nice in a pinch; for a little side action. But telemarketers, customer service folks, or my list were just appetizers for the main course, the real meal deal was nearly always with family or church members. Now you’re talking! 

These were the ones who “should know better”, “what kind of Christian are they!”, “so what makes them qualified to be a deacon?”, “why are they leading worship, saying prayers, singing solos?”, “why are they so special?”, “who does she think she is?”, “you know what I heard?”, “mom always liked him better.”, “I remember when . . .”  The list just went on and on. It was never ending, it was crazy and would bleed the life from everyone around and from me too. Plus it was in direct violation of what God says to think on and to do. But that wasn’t my priority. I was in control.

When I finally came to the end of myself God did a job on me. How do I know? Let me tell you! Like I said I initially found my anger wasn’t so omnipresent. That was weird but very nice. Then I found that the folks I really disliked were not on my hit list anymore. In fact I'd lost my hit list. What gives, I thought? But, hey it was nice too.

Then one of my big annual anger events came along. The Ladies Retreat. How could that make you angry you ask? Oh I found a way. I normally did. That's crazy you say? I know but that was the way I did it; that's the way I ran the show. Anyway the unsuspecting ladies at church had just come back from a retreat without my wife. The fact that she did not want to go made no difference to me; after all they should have begged her to go! So I stood in the back of the church looking over the situation and suddenly realized that my thinking wasn’t working. I wasn’t hearing something I should have been hearing. What was it? Ahhhh! The soundtrack of accusations against the ladies wasn't playing: “huh! some spiritual giants they are! So they had a good time did they?, well why aren’t they over ministering to my wife who didn’t get to go?!!” But I wasn’t hearing any of that, I twiddled with the volume, but still the tapes weren’t playing! WOW! Extremely nice!

Then the perfect storm hit. A deacon, who I really didn’t like and who I knew should “never have been made a deacon”  went by without showing the proper respect due me and I had no reaction. Nothing. That poor deacon got by unscathed. On the way home it was peaceful in the car.  We had dinner without me roasting anyone, without the sarcastic and biting seasonings of my distain. Now just what is going on here I thought. I still wasn’t getting it but I knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

It took me some time before I realized that God had changed me! When I accepted Him He changed me. It was unbelievable! After 60 years my standard operating procedures were suddenly set aside. It was flat out shocking. Someone had turned off the tapes. The old programs had been preempted, cancelled. I tell others I am vacation from myself. But now, even better still, I know that the old man has been buried and that I am risen with Christ! He changed me. This isn’t just a vacation it is the new day and the new way. 


Oh, and you know that poor deacon? Well I saw him tonight and I hugged him and said, “I love you man!” And you know what? I do. Can you imagine a God that good! Can you imagine what’s ahead?! God knows, He says in Jeremiah 29.11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Now, tell me, how good is that?! I’m so glad God turned destroyed the tapes.

The woman at the well and me

I was at a rest home for folks with Alzheimer's and had permission to give my testimony. I was excited. I’d written some notes down, and as I looked them over I knew they were all wrong. (My notes, not the people.) How could I tell these folks what God had done for me in a simple way? One that might touch them at the heart level? Then I recalled the story about the woman at the well. It is a familiar story to many folks and it also represents me really well. Actually, it represents many of us really well.

Imagine with me: Jesus is traveling through Samaria. At a town called Sychar he sits down by a well. It’s about noon; by this time it’s probably hot.  The account says Jesus was tired; weary.  So he sat down and his friends went on into town to get some food. No one is around, all the town’s women have come earlier, in the cool of the morning, to get the days supply of water for their households. Then a woman appears with her jug to collect water. It is not recorded, but it seems that she comes silently and would have likely left silently except that Jesus spoke. He spoke to a woman; a Samaritan woman. He asks her for a drink and this was how the little lady’s spiritual journey began.

It is often in the mundane activities of life that God will find us. Certainly I was not involved in any great thing when God found me. Like the woman at the well I was just “doing life”. Why was she coming at noon time, in the heat of the day, alone? Was it because she was a late riser, or was it because she was being shunned by the rest of the town’s ladies that came in the morning? Some have written that it was shame that was in charge of her schedule. Maybe that was true for her. I know for me it was true; shame was in charge of much of my life. Shame is a hard task master, it does not care if you must labor in the heat of the day. In fact, it takes pleasure in smashing you down.

As the woman began to talk with Jesus, I wonder if she knew what God would do that day? Then Jesus revealed that he knew her personal situation; he asked her to go get her husband; when she told him she had no husband, he revealed that he intimately knew her current circumstances. Like most of us she quickly changed the subject to something more comfortable. So she asked a question about religious customs. Jesus answered, but quickly brought it back to something closer to home.

Whenever I found myself talking with one of Jesus’s ambassadors, I would talk religion because it took the focus off of me. Yet none of this talk ever satisfied my thirst for something more. I knew a deep uneasy feeling that no religious talk, no intellectual discussion, could quench. I was in church. I was religious and like the woman at the well, my life was empty. I drank from the wells, the puddles of the world. I was lost.

Then Jesus got down to business. He told her about the water that He had. Living water! Even as I write it I start to cry because I know the end of the story for the lady. You see, she got that living water. Oh yes, she had come for water that would only satisfy her body, but she left with the water that would satisfy her very soul! Water that would flow up in her, spilling over onto those she met. She left Jesus, and her jug, there at the well and went to tell others about this man who gave her living water. She was compelled by what had happened to her.

Imagine her situation. Even by today’s standards being married 5 times is pretty unusual, and now she’s living with a man. You can bet the locals knew all about her. No wonder she came at noon, by herself, to the well; she had no desire to get harassed or snubbed by the other ladies. She was likely the talk of the town. Her transformation was all the more spectacular because of her history, and when she went into town that day people definitely knew something was up! Because of her testimony many believed on Jesus. He stayed two more days in the town ministering to the folks there; all because of the woman at the well.

I was just like that lady at the well: immoral, lost, and religious. That day Jesus changed her. She did not go to the local bookstore and get a book on self- improvement or schedule the first of her weekly appointments with the local psychiatrist. She met Jesus and He did the rest. I had done my fair share of books and appointments before I met Jesus and got the Living Water. Once God gives a person that Living Water, they cannot shut up. They must share what has happened to them. 

That is why I write this. You see, I can't shut up. Jesus made the way for the Heavenly Father God to touch me through the Holy Spirit, and I’ve been changed! When I met God, He got down to business and I found the Living Water just like the woman at the well did. One day I’m going to meet that woman, and I bet she’ll still be telling the story of her day at the well and what my Jesus did for her. Then I’ll tell her what He did for me and we’ll praise Him together. Hey, I’ve got a wild idea; why don’t you join us? The Living Water is still living; Jesus is still offering His living water to all who will drink. Maybe you’re like I was: lost, immoral and religious. My friend Jesus is calling you. Come to the well!

NGZ: No Gossip Zone

No man I know wants to admit to the gossip habit. I mean we all consider gossip something the ladies do. Not the men.  (Sorry ladies!) Yet if you do a quick search on the internet you will find out different. Bob Burg, an author and speaker admits, “I was, for many years, very much a gossip”. Now that takes guts. To admit to being a gossip in a public place takes guts. So, deep breath, I am a gossip. There, I’ve said it.

We can have a long discussion on what gossip is and isn’t but essentially it’s information of a personal nature, about someone else,  being shared for ulterior motives. Like the gossip being “important” enough to have the inside scoop. Or the gossiper getting “one up” on someone who is obviously weaker or not as “with it” as the reporter. Often the gossiper will use others as stepping stones to make themselves feel worthy or comfortable with themselves. To feel secure. I think I used my gossip as a power tool and to make me feel more secure about my own self. 

Gossip, as a habit, does not just go away because we are saved just as smoking does not normally just go away. God can do it but it isn't typical. Rather God allows these behaviors to be points of trust and growth as we turn to Him in our helplessness to overcome these habits. Some readers might consider the comparison of smoking with gossip as “unfair”. After all smoking is a stinking, nasty habit that affects everyone who has to be around it! Right. And so does gossip. I liked my gossip filtered. Some like their gossip non-filtered. Either way it’s a nasty habit. 

BUT God can help us overcome the habit of gossip.  Gossip is easy to slip into during the course of a safe conversation so pray and ask God help you to know when you start gossiping. Also take note of the places and people with whom you engage in gossip with or around. And don’t assume the folks you gossip with want to gossip. Perhaps God has convicted them as well. Talk with them about how God is touching your heart but remember not to be critical or accusatory with them. Admit to your own fault and ask for their help. If they love you they will want to help. If they’re honest they will know that they, too, struggle with gossip. With God’s help these folks can become your best allies in the war against gossip. 

Don’t be discouraged if you fail, keep giving it to the Lord and asking his help. If you have the misfortune of knowing someone that is more judgmental than helpful remember that others carry baggage too. Take their criticism with a grain of salt, admit the fault and take it to the Lord. Don’t let it make you bitter towards them!

Make yourself a “No Gossip Zone” and remember the NGZ when you’re in a place where gossip might be an issue. I have some dear friends and I can almost guarantee that I will get involved in gossip if I sit at the kitchen table with some of the household members. I don’t think any of us mean to, it just happens! So I made a pact with myself to stay away from the table. Unfortunately the household has one who is quick to point out faults too, so it is a set up all the way around! Look out! Don’t expect the fault finders to be very helpful; they are into their own game. Someone has said it is easier to point out faults than solutions.

Thinking of solutions, here are some: always have some subjects thought of ahead of time to change the subject too if the conversation starts going off course. If all else fails just kindly mention that you feel uncomfortable with the direction the conversation is going as you have a struggle with gossip. This fits for anyone and puts the blame on no one. Remember the key is to be kind hearted and not critical! As a last resort retreat to the bathroom.

Gossip is like smoking, it is a hard habit to break but it can be done! Keep taking it to the Lord and He will give you the victory as it is His promise and desire to make you into the image of Christ Jesus! God Bless!

PATTERNS

"Hi, my name is Brian and I'm a pattern alignment addict."

Today I finished some food and as I went to put the plate into the dishwater I noticed that the pattern was upside down and I put it in anyway. Yes, that's right folks, FREE in Christ Jesus to put dishes in the dishwasher with the pattern UPSIDE DOWN! 

I told my precious bride what I'd just done, "Honey I'm free in Christ!, I just put a plate in with the pattern upside down!"  

"Me too", she said calmly, "I did it the other day cause I knew it didn't matter anymore."

OK, so it was funny and seems like a small thing really but in my depths of sinfulness I was the GCF (Great Control Freak). Since I had no control over my own self I was bound to control something... anything! So my own dear family found themselves involved in my bondage. The restrictive behaviors were ludicrous going as far as how dishes were set in the dishwasher based on the pattern. Crazy you say? Yep, crazy. But the man outside of Christ is just that: Crazy.

You see we were meant for service, but we want to be in charge. And it starts early! Ever heard a two year old snatch at something crying loudly, "Me do it!" We all want control. Yet we will all serve someone and it is the one we serve that is our master. Anyone who serves self is actually in bondage to the flesh, to the world and to the powers of darkness. The man who serves self has been tricked into thinking he is free, that he is in control.

When we look at the “meth-head” the drunk or the man addicted to porn or immoral behavior we absolutely know that they are out of control but we often over look ourselves. If you are not serving Christ, if He is not your Savior, then you are just as much a slave as the others. Your slavery is just more fashionable or acceptable. But it may not have always been so. 

Consider that in our society, a few years ago,  it was considered unacceptable for two men or women to be involved with each other in the same way that married couples are; yet today... well just look around. Look at the TV shows. Look at your news paper, the movies, the schools. Today the slavery of homosexuality has becoming fashionable. Yet they think they're free and in control.

In order to fool myself into thinking I was free and in control I made up my own rules. (You know: "Me do it!") My sin required me being Lord over someone, something, anything; demanding that things be done a certain way. Yet in the middle of this control I had no control over myself. I was in bondage to the flesh and had no more freedom than the meth-head, the drunk or anyone else on the list.

Now I laugh at the absurdity of having to have the dish’s pattern all alike and yet that was a rule at my house. This was important to me because it was something I could control.

But God. Then God moved in my heart and changed me. He made me into a new creation (II Cor. 5.17). I did not take a 12 step program. Been there, done that. I took the One Step Program offered by God. The “IF any man be in Christ”  program. It worked for me and it will work for you too! Believe me the dishes being stacked alike was the VERY least of my problems. My issues went back years and were a very present struggle each day. But God moved in my heart and by His sovereign grace He touched me and made me a new man. A man whose completeness is in Christ Jesus instead of himself and it has made many, many differences in my life and in my family’s life even down to the dishes!

Living with a Maniac

The dictionary defines maniac as one having an excessive level of energy  or enthusiasm over something, like a sports maniac. Or a person who is wildly irresponsible, as driving like a maniac.

I think these two definitions and the descriptions are pretty accurate for me. It is pretty sad to live in a sort of fantasy world but sadder still when other people around you are made to live in it too. I had an older daughter who escaped but her two younger siblings and my wife were being held hostage by a maniac in a fantasy world.

The fantasy was that every thing could be controlled. A perfect picture would would be presented to ourselves and others by meeting my unrealistically high level of standards.  Then we would all pretend it was real. And that’s an order!  If anyone broke the picture, well woe to them! The head guard would come down like a ton of bricks until things got better. The family, left behind after the escape of my daughter, was under strict lock down. No more escapes!

I had to keep up appearances. If I could keep up the appearance of everything being perfect it made it almost possible to imagine it was; even though it wasn’t. Looking back on it I have no wonder that folks would visit but never stay. I mean, a trip to a Madam Tussauds wax museum, while interesting, is a bit eery. Now imagine living there. 

All peace was conditional. If the house was just right, it was OK. If the yard was just right, it was OK. If the plates were all set with the pattern facing right, it was OK. Absolutely every thing was a labor. The only spontaneity was from my mouth with it’s sarcasm and often biting humor. So you can see how the term maniac is not so far off... pretty accurate really. 

My kooky recipe for success was sort of like the one my engineer father had for cooking a hot dog in the microwave: Wrap hot dog in saran wrap, cook on high until saran wrap disappears. Pretty scary huh? That was my “christian” life. Scary. The more I see myself and who I was the more I understand the relational problems that I had. When a person is not real  they can’t have real friends. I had no real  friends because I was not  real  myself. 

But when God touched me I was changed. I am not sure just how this was accomplished but He did it! Our family’s home, once dark with laws and requirements, is ablaze with freedom in Christ. The people here are allowed to be real now.  The house and yard may not be just right, but it’ll be OK. The pattern of the plates might not be properly aligned but now that my spirit is the plates don’t matter as much. It’s OK. The maniac has been healed!  You see God lives here now. We're under new management, open 24 hours a day, feel free to drop by! 

It’s all about Pride!

Being in the church most of my life and always being around other church attenders offers some special  challenges to getting saved. You see we all assume that we are saved if we’re at the church. I mean it’s OK when someone obviously in sin gets saved but when those getting saved are regular attenders, workers, deacons or deacon’s wives, maybe even the pastor’s wife >gasp<  then some very real and very nagging questions naturally come up.

Many people I know always assumed that I was saved. I said I was so why would they believe otherwise?  Maybe, sometimes, I even believed I was; such is my capacity for deceit. At the church I attend I have seen folks who actually served there get up and testify that they had only recently gotten saved. What... I thought they were saved?! Some of them were in choir, one played the piano, one was working the sound equipment. They were around for years. How could they not be saved? And more importantly the question would always come to me: What about me? Was I saved? 

I would pull out the old tried and true verses to assure myself that I was indeed saved. This in spite of the fact that there was no REAL fruit of the spirit. Oh I would behave myself nicely at church or at social activities that demanded a “godly” behavior but in the privacy of my heart I was wicked in all caps and bold. I could shut God off with out any qualms. I was not a new creature. But I had that covered too. I would reason that my problems were besetting sins. I reasoned that I’d prayed the prayer of salvation (several times!) and, since I was still in church, that I was persevering. Wasn’t this evidence of salvation? But the nagging reality of it was that II Cor. 5:17 was just not true for me. This was painfully obvious. 

I was also hesitant to pursue the question of salvation because it would mean I would have to admit I was wrong. That I was not saved. I didn’t want to do that in front of folks.  Pride. Which was  really silly since those most likely offended were also most likely in the same boat with me. They would just blow off my salvation as emotionalism or a "new plateau of understanding". So when some old timer or charter member got saved we were quietly and politely accommodating. Ultimately my pride kept me trapped. As it turned out the life of “faith” for me was actually a life of fraud. I was trusting in a salvation I saw no evidence of and I knew it! It was all the work of the flesh. So I kept on hoping for the best and playing with sin. 

Finally I found myself sitting in my pastor’s office called out for sin and confronted  face to face with it. I was truly at a dead end or as they say, busted big time. Yet it was this very event (one that I had secretly feared would happen someday) that brought me to an end of myself. No talking would have gotten me out of the situation, no explanation would work. It was the end of the road. I sat, finally quiet. Nothing I could possibly do would have, could have, redeemed me. I was a shame to my self, to my God (I still didn’t know He did not have me) to my family and to my friends.  As I left his office that day I felt like someone after a car wreck, sort of stunned, wobbly and weak feeling. I was over.

From that day, I came to know the real lostness and sin-filledness of myself. I was a hollow empty shell filled with dead promises, broken resolutions and an anger that swelled up and down like waves on a dark putrid sea of shame. I don’t think I knew it but in the middle of what had happened I was coming to an end of myself. I was abased but not by any choice I had made or even could have made. My pride would never have allowed it. I was a mess and I knew it.

Andrew Murray wrote, “Just as water always seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds men abased and empty, His glory and power flow in to exalt and to bless.”   That was me. Abased, empty. It was in this state that I was finally able to receive from God that which I needed most. Salvation! I do not yet fully understand my total and complete neediness but when I began to know who I was, then God was willing to touch me. He will not touch a life that is a total lie. I began just a small knowing that I was and am a tremendous sinner and that He is indeed a Tremendous God and then He saved me. God saved me and I was bathed in peace, surprised by joy!

It is a great thing to know a God who is willing to pick up the crippled one and that is who I am.