Family Camp

Like a lot of other churches ours has an annual camp. We call ours "Family Camp". It is a wonderfully inexpensive way to get away with family and friends. But for me it was not always that way.

This will be my very first Family Camp without anger. This time I am only taking what's on the list. So you won't see me with my U Haul full of bitterness. I'm packing light! I am really looking forward to it. I used to spend so darn much time being mad at folks. And not just one at a time! No way! I multi-tasked. I'd juggle my resentments between a couple or more fellows at a time. I was good at it. Then, after my Heavenly Father touched me in April of 1012, I found that I was free from the smoldering resentments and anger that I nursed with a dedication and commitment that would shame the best Amway Rep. (If I sold Amway with the same dedication I'd be a millionaire.)  I told someone that this new relationship with God was like being on vacation from myself and that's still true. Sometimes, most of the time, I feel so good that I think I must be cheating!

It is so wonderful to be going to camp with so many lovely folks all in one place. It will be a real special time for me, for us all,  and I hope that we all come back having become more like our Messiah Jesus!

PRIDE

       I asked God to show me my sin and He was gracious enough to do so in a way that didn’t rub my nose in it but still got the message across. How good He is.

In the book of Luke Jesus told the story of the Guests. Chapter 14:7 reads:

“Now he told a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the places of honor, saying to them, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Do I take the place of honor? Do I desire or think I deserve the place of honor. Do I want to be friends with people because I like them or just because they are important? And just how entrenched is this in my life?

The other day I stepped over to talk with two men (both in leadership positions, both whom I admire). The one paused and gave me a greeting, a bit of small talk and then turned continuing with another conversation. I found myself resentful at what I took as a snub. (See what a snob I am?)

After I got home I was rethinking the whole scenario. Why would I be offended?  As I thought about it, I realized that I am such a prideful man. Why should I gain an intimate audience with either of these two anyway? My function is not the same as these men so why did I want a "place of honor"?  Why did I try and take a “chief seat”? Pride! Why did I take offense? Pride. Why did I even interpret the situation as a slight? Pride. So I have a pride problem.

Pride is an awful sneaky sin, masquerading itself in all manner of righteous or justifiable actions. I wonder how long it will be before I am free of this beast? These men need real friendships. A pride filled man makes a lousy friend. It makes us into hypocrites and tears everyone down. It makes us angry and resentful towards folks who don’t deserve it. It causes significant social problems, in short: it is a killer. It is the sin of Lucifer and is at the root of all sins. 

So God has answered my prayer! He has shown me my sin of pride and I will praise Him for it. He wants only His very best for me. He wants me to function in the body of Christ in a way that only I can but first He and I have to deal with the sins in my life. So I pray to Him in thanks, for forgiveness  and ask for His help in coming against the sin of pride in my life. He is still my Heavenly Father and He loves me. Like the saying goes: “He loves me too much to leave me the way I am.”

One thing I have come to know is that when I am offended, overly sensitive or having  anger issues it is likely a problem of pride no matter how I try to paint it otherwise.  God says that, "Where there is contention there is pride." (Prov. 13:10)  If I am having trouble getting along with others, if my opinion is always the right one, if I am always certain about everything then I need to check it out... it's pride. Pride hides under many guises and so rooting it out is something that we must get help from God on. David said, "Search me, Oh God, know my heart..." and we must do the very same thing. 

The exciting part of all this is that God will keep His promise to make us new. He has only good in store for us as we honestly come to Him desiring to be more Christ like. Once He has touched the area of sin then, and only then, will He be able to use us to the fullest extent in the way He has specifically designed us to be used. We are His workmanship and He has specific plans for each of us if we will make ourselves available. Only once we have found that "sweet spot" of service that He designed for us will be truly happy. God has a job for me and for you! Now if that doesn't excite you I don't know what will.

Nearly a year

It has been nearly a year now since God, my loving Father, touched me; He told me He loved me and would never leave me. It is still an essential part of the good news, it brings to my mind verses of promise that sustain me: They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. He makes all things beautiful in His time. Do not be weary in well doing. Verses like that. My friend are you discouraged? Go to Him and ask Him to defend you against bitterness and frustrations. In this world we will have tribulation but be of good cheer for He has overcome the world. He will lift you up.

I, just recently, was feeling anxious and frustrated. Over things that had not happened. You see my sin had separated me not just from God but also from loved ones. I had been a traitor in the relationships and had not kept the spoken and un-spoken promises that are basic in those relationships. I felt as if everyone would forgive me and restore me, that there was an obligation to do so. But that does not always happen. In addition, other relationships between brothers in the Lord had not panned out the way I thought they would. I was in a situation where bitterness could easily become real. 

My relationship with my Heavenly Father manifested itself in immediate and wonderful changes but those changes did not transfer to my earthly relationships. What can I learn from this? First of all, we are all in a state of growth and change. Second, some things do not heal. The consequences of sin, of disobedience, are sometimes permanent. This is the very sad news of sin. When things do change it is a gift from God and when they don't that is also a gift from God. To make us grow. To allow us to give thanks in everything!  Only God can cause love and forgiveness to abound in the hearts of those we have wronged. They must allow God to do a work in them. But the schedule for this is not posted anywhere. And this can make us grow impatient.

It took sixty years for me to come to an end and allow Him to work in me. He was patient and very kind to me. Should I not allow that same goodness, kindness and patience from Him to me towards others? How long has He been good, kind and patient with you? It was even His kindness that led you and I to repent.  So I pray to my Father: "Oh God please take from me every bitter thought and word. Let me forgive others as you have forgiven me. Allow me to show the goodness, kindness and patience towards others that You show towards me and help me to remember Your promises!"

God's promises are more sure than the present circumstances. Will the circumstances ever change? He does not promise that; they may not change in our life time. Some changes are reserved for eternity. But they will come, of that we can be sure. In the meantime think on these things: the just things, the pure things, the lovely things, things of good report; think on virtue and praise. Think on these things.

The Dogs Are Locked Up

It has been six months since God changed me. I know there is more to do, much more, but what God has done so far is so much more than I could have ever imagined. I stand in awe of Him and if you knew my heart you would too! 

My heart is so utterly and unreservedly wicked. But God is changing me, I am not the same anymore; LOVE lifted me, when nothing else could help, God’s love lifted me up and changed me for ever. How sweet is that? Too sweet to tell with words, such stories can only be told with tears and laughter. Words are too small. When I was lost in sin He was loving me. When I was angry with Him, He was still loving me. Oh the deep deep love of Jesus! 

Yes there is more to do; I need to surrender more. But I think about what an little old lady said, “I ain’t what I should be, I ain’t what I’m gonna be, but I thank God I ain’t what I was.”  How wonderfully true that is. How was I? Well tonight I was able to remember another way God is changing me.

I was with my dear wife sitting (do I sit too much I wonder?) as she was busy in the kitchen and we spoke about my old habit of verbally blasting people. You see if you had done me wrong and that could be anything... trust me here. If you didn’t say hello when I did. If you missed my birthday or did something that I felt violated my social standards I would be on you like paint on a wall. There were many folks that fell into this category and most were innocent. Didn’t matter. I saw things from my perspective and it was the way it was. I was always right.

The trouble with bitterness and anger is that it’s a like a two edged sword with no hilt: the harder we hold to it swinging it out to destroy others the deeper it cuts it's wielder; turning hands designed by Him to reach out with God's love into claws of hatred and despair. Since Jesus came into my life I have spoken with folks that I expended all sorts of emotional energy on. Most had no clue that I was mad. (I imagine they just thought I was weird.) Yet all the while my tongue wagging, filled with cruel and bitter criticism, poisoning me and all my relationships as well. I wasted so much time watching for offenses and naturally finding them. When a person is full of pride they will find plenty to be offended about. Ask me, I was an expert at it. So I spent many hours rehearsing offenses with smoldering thoughts. I meditated on them day and night; it smothered and polluted everything in me and each day it put me in bed exhausted and made the nights long.

So tonight I asked my wife about the day and told her I wanted to be more of the husband she needed. I mentioned this because I was challenging our family to do things as unto the Lord and it may have come across critical; I wanted to be sure it had not. She told me I had done OK. I had not been angry. How good is that? Not angry, that’s pretty wonderful. Then it hit me how the Lord had been working in me to leave folks alone. I asked her if it seemed like I spent less time raking others over the coals and she responded, “Oh yes!”

Have you ever seen the movie where the innocent man escapes from prison and he’s running head long stumbling through thorny thickets, wadding through black and dirty waters in the dark, branches grabbing at his face and cloths? Suddenly you hear the sound of dogs and your heart sinks for the fellow. They've released the dogs. He will be caught, beaten and punished even more severely than before. None of it, absolutely none of it justly; beaten by the cruel, sin-sick jailer.  Well that jailer was me. 

Life is hard enough without running into someone like me. Someone like me that would take some little thing personal. Then, when all anyone ever wanted to do was to just get away, the sound of the dogs would come. "Release the dogs!" Ever ready, barking, snapping, whining and miserable they would come.  I was that jailer; the thorns, the dirty water and snatching branches were my garden. The dogs were mine too.

God has been so good to me. You see, I had lost control of those blood hounds long ago. Crouching at my door they often turned on me, but God is able too control them! Now He has them penned up and on His watch no one will have to fear those dogs being released again!  You know what? That makes a lot of folks happy, it makes this old jailer a pretty happy man too. By the way, I'm not the jailer anymore, I got a new job! I'm an ambassador for Jesus. It's a joy and, like that little old lady said, I thank God I ain’t what I was.

Our Response to Suffering

Most often we consider suffering as something the apostles or someone else goes through. You know, like cancer or some BIG thing. But knowing that all things are relative and knowing my own life experiences has allowed me to consider things a little differently then I have in the past. 

Before I got saved I was a bear to live with. To be very honest I still have a great tendency to be a bear to live with and to be brutally honest we all have things that make living with us a pain in the neck. 

Now I would not assume that being thrown in prison, as the apostles were, or being stoned or beaten is the same as living with me and yet living with one another does give us plenty of chances to approach suffering with a Godly response. The secret to blessings in our suffering, big or small, is: do we suffer obediently?

The book of James tell us to “count it all joy” when we have trials. We act as if this means something other than the spouse we live with, the children we have, or the people we live in fellowship with. Yet that is not true. The “trouble” or “trials” we go through with others calls for a Godly response just as assuredly as things we might consider a greater suffering. Our response in obedience will give just as great a blessing too! Sometimes our responses to the small things are a bit overblown. Been there, done that!

God knows what living with me is like so He was sure to include Eph 4.2 and Col. 3.13 in His letter to my wife. He knows what your family is like too! Both these verses admonish us to “bear with one another”.  One tells us outright to forgive one another the other tells us to live at peace in unity which certainly requires forgiveness.  

The blessing for us comes as we obey in matters big or small. Each is an opportunity to forgive and to make allowance for one another. Just recently I walked into a class and was told bluntly by a brother that I had been “stinking ever since I got baptized”.  I assume he meant the cologne I was wearing, at least I hope it was that!

I struggle with pride, so to be greeted like this was really an opportunity to bear with him. It took me a moment and I had to refresh my resolve in the following days as I had a bit of history with the fellow but God wants us to move on; I am able to do so as I think of how God has forgiven me and to take the chance to obey Him in the matter. 

Was it a small matter? Sure it was. But consider that the Bible says “it’s the small foxes that spoil the vine”.  (Song of Sol. 2.15) Small things do matter and our response to them matters even more. So the next time someone says something goofy to you or someone dear to you starts a tired refrain or behavior. Remember to count it all joy, bear with, make allowance and forgive them. God will bless your obedience!

Why Not Me?

I met Bernie about 24 years ago. He was a character! Bernie had retired from the Navy and was living in a large home up a driveway in the woods and he was always drunk. Carrie, his wife, lived with him and she was not a drunk. She was a Christian who prayed for Bernie every day that he might be saved and sober.

It was wonderful that, by the time I met Bernie, God had answered Carrie's prayers. Bernie was saved and sober and in charge of a ministry reaching out to others that were trapped as he had been. I was trapped when I met Bernie and it became a matter of envy and sometimes anger that God had delivered Bernie and that I remained unchanged. 

Bernie was not perfect BUT it did not take much time with him to know that Bernie was a new creature in Christ and I envied this. I had gone through all the same processes (I thought) and said the same prayers. I even got, what I believed was, the baptism of the Holy Spirit and yet I was not a new creature. 

So I found myself praying I John 1.9 over and over again and trusting that Proverbs 24.16 would someday be true for me. Yet I continued in my sin. How I longed to be free of the bondage of sin but I was powerless over it. I had only brief periods of victory divided by periods of the deepest and vilest sin. Bernie was a new creature but I most certainly was not. Why not me?

I was involved in what I wanted to believe was a walk of faith but it was actually a walk of fraud. I had come to even fool myself such was the deceit of my heart. All of this actually only confirmed what God has said about man. He knew long before I ever entered the scene of human history that this was the condition of the unsaved man and would be my condition unless He intervened.

If a man is to be a new creature it must be the work of God for most certainly it can never be, will never be, the work of man. All the works of man are reeking, filthy rags. I knew this and I found myself trapped in sin with no way out. Even God, I thought, had failed me. He had changed Bernie but I was not. God had rejected me just like I felt my earthly father had rejected me.

So I went through the motions. What else could I do? I was married, had one child and knew that I was responsible for these two others in life. So I hid my sin like Achan (Joshua 7) but it was not hidden from God. It affected my family and became a curse to us. It sucked any victory from my life and caused me to become a legalistic nut with  dictatorial relationships when I should have been loving and nurturing. 

My sin shut me off from real relationships and I was alone; without God and without any human help. Because I was not real I could have no real relationships. Those that I had were unsatisfactory because they could not meet the needs that I had, needs that only God could satisfy. I became unfair to others, demanding that they meet needs that God never intended and in doing so I drove many away. My dear, dear wonderful wife stayed faithful but it was not an easy journey for her. I do not blame those who jumped ship. Who would not?

I found myself dreading life but too self centered, too obsessed or “too something”, maybe too chicken, to end it. I had no choice but to go on as best as I could and each day and night followed one another with an endless smoldering anger and resentment towards others and towards God. How I longed to be free from myself but I could not be. Even if I left my family I would still have me and “me” was the problem. I knew it.

I took comfort in my wife and family, in the company of those saved and in the society of church but it was only the comfort of association not of real participation. At least it was some comfort in my sojourn. Looking back I am glad for that, it was God’s mercy to a lost man. Isn’t He good to even the lost? Yes, He is. He causes blessings even to the lost.

It was in March of 2012, right before I turned sixty, that a man who loved me, confronted me with my sin and then had the guts and the leading of the Holy Spirit to tell me that he loved me.

Here I was, finally real with someone, not by choice, not by any confession or even repentance on my part and he was saying he loved me. This I had to deny. It was not possible, no one could love me as I was, he was lying. He had to be. But then as the days past I was confronted by my God! My Heavenly Father who also told me He loved me, He said “I love you, I won’t leave you” 

When I accepted His love I found I could accept the love of everyone else and not only that but I had a love too. A love I never knew before. People I had hated suddenly I found myself loving! This was a shocker to me. Then I found that the old sin had no more power over me. I did not want to sin. This was incredible. 

It was during this time that I came to know with an absolute certainty that what had happened to me was what had happened to Bernie! I had gotten saved. I was a new creature in Christ Jesus, new things were coming to be true in my life and God was changing me! My sojourn was over.

Today I am still growing. I still struggle with sins. Gossip, anger and the such BUT I also know love, joy, peace, self control. Things only the Holy Spirit could give to a man. Things that God in His rich mercy now is portioning out to me with and through His generous Spirit. Oh I am free! Praise be to God, to Jesus and His Spirit, I am free. I am at rest in Him. There is hope for the hopeless and it is in Christ Jesus who made the way to Peace. Come join me.

THROWING STONES
Then all the congregation of the children of Israel set out on their journey from the Wilderness of Sin, according to the commandment of the Lord, and camped in Rephidim; but there was no water for the people to drink. Therefore the people contended with Moses, and said, "Give us water, that we may drink." And Moses said to them, "Why do you contend with me? Why do you tempt the Lord?" And the people thirsted there for water, and the people murmured against Moses, and said, "Why is it you have brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?"  Exodus 17.1-3

I have some dear friends who are devote catholics. While we disagree on some really important issues, issues that may affect even matters of salvation, I know that at other times they are right on. When a pastor we knew came under attack our friends commented that it was wrong to attack the pastor and that people should be careful of how they treat those who serve in leadership to the body of Christ. 

I have to admit that I agree with them on that one! How easy is it to see the negative. I've got 20/20 vision for the negatives. And how quickly I neglect all the scriptural injunctions to live at peace with and to love one another. Specific commands to not divide the Church and to bear with one another, to not think more highly of others than ourselves are a real reminders from God Himself, to take it very, very slow when coming against church leadership.

Yet, driven by my own pride, I often neglect these commands and, wrapped in the pretentious garb of moral and spiritual integrity, I dismiss God's way and do what I want instead. The results are often immediate, devastating, and heart breaking. When faced with these sorts of conditions I need to be sure to seriously pray about the issue and seek council. 

Pray for your leaders. They are the shepherds and come under a more severe judgement for what they teach and how they manage their responsibilities. If someone comes with a complaint do not hear it; direct them to handle it in a scriptural manner.  Remember do not judge the folks personally, for we fight not against flesh and blood but against spiritual powers. Pray for one another. Also remember the old adage, "There but for the grace of God go I."

Do not tempt the Lord by attacking your leaders because God does not look on it favorably, guard against being driven by passions or a hobby horse. Wait upon the Lord, we often move faster than we ought when we are driven by our passions. I know this from personal experience. You, dear reader, can do better!